When Your Teen Feels Left Out: Social Life & Hypermobility

Jan 17

4 min read

Helping Teens and Young Adults Stay Connected Without Compromising Their Health

Living with hypermobility isn’t just a physical challenge—it’s often a deeply emotional one. While your teen or young adult might seem to be managing the pain and fatigue, they may also be struggling with something harder to talk about: feeling left out.

Whether it’s turning down party invites, needing extra rest while friends are out or not being able to participate in sports or travel, social isolation and chronic illness often go hand in hand. For young people, this can take a serious toll on their confidence, relationships and mental health.

As a parent, you play a vital role in helping your child stay connected, build meaningful friendships and develop a social life with their hypermobility that works with - not against - their body.

Why Social Life Feels So Difficult with Hypermobility

Let’s start with what your child is really up against:

🔹 Unpredictable fatigue – Making plans becomes tricky when energy levels fluctuate day to day

🔹 Chronic pain – Activities like shopping, dancing or even long conversations can be draining

🔹 Accessibility concerns – Many venues or outings aren’t physically friendly to those with mobility issues

🔹 Invisible illness – Friends may not understand why your child cancels plans or can’t “just push through”

🔹 Self-consciousness – Braces, splints or needing help may make them feel “different” or “a burden”

These issues can impact on your child's wellbeing and happiness, they can go hand in hand with anxiety and depression. As a parent you have a lot that you can do in supporting your child to understand and live very positively with hypermobility syndrome.

1. Acknowledge the Emotional Impact of Feeling Left Out

First and foremost, validate their experience. Feeling excluded is painful and brushing it off as “not a big deal” can deepen their sense of isolation.

💬 Try saying:

“I know it’s hard when your friends can do things you can’t.”
“It’s okay to feel sad or frustrated - what you’re going through is really tough.”
“You’re not missing out because you’re lazy or antisocial; your body just has different needs.”

💡 Tip: Open the door for regular check-ins about how they’re feeling socially - not just physically.

2. Help Them Find Social Activities That Feel Good

It’s not about doing everything - it’s about doing the right things. Support your child in exploring activities that won’t flare their symptoms.

✅ Gentle, inclusive social options:

Game nights, creative clubs or book groups
Movie marathons, virtual hangouts or crafting meetups
Support groups for teens/young adults with chronic illness
Volunteering roles that are flexible or admin based

🚫 Things to skip (or modify):

All-day festivals or amusement parks
Hiking trips or high energy sports
Loud clubs with long standing times

💡 Tip: Help them learn how to say yes in a way that works - like attending part of an event or bringing along adaptive aids.

3. Teach Boundaries Without Guilt

One of the hardest things for hypermobile teens is learning how to say “no” or “not this time” without feeling like they’re letting people down.

🛑 Help them practice phrases like:

“I’d love to come, but I may need to leave early depending on how I’m feeling.”
“That sounds fun, but I think I’ll sit this one out - how about we hang out another day?”
“I really want to join, can I bring a cushion or chair so I can rest?”

💡 Tip: Normalise this language at home. Let them see that setting limits is a strength, not a weakness.

4. Foster Friendships That Truly Support Them

The reality is, some friends won’t get it and that’s painful, but the ones who do, well they are gold.

🧡 Encourage your child to:

Share just enough about their condition to help others understand
Look for friends in interest based communities (art, gaming, advocacy, etc.)
Join online support groups for teens with chronic illnesses - they’re great for understanding and connection
Notice the people who ask “What do you need?” or “How can I make this easier for you?” - those are keepers!

💡 Tip: Remind them: “True friends don’t need you to be 100% all the time. They just want you to be real.”

5. Support Their Mental Health

Feeling excluded, physically limited, or misunderstood can lead to anxiety, low mood, or depression - especially when social comparison is at its peak.

🧠 Watch for signs like:

Withdrawal from friends or activities they used to enjoy
Increased irritability, sadness or low self-esteem
Avoiding conversations about how they’re feeling

✅ Consider:

Counselling or therapy with a chronic illness informed provider
Journaling or creative expression as emotional outlets
Encouraging rest without shame, sometimes saying no is an act of self care not social failure

6. Stay Involved - Without Taking Over

You want to help. Of course you do. But as your teen grows into adulthood the best support is often gentle encouragement and a soft place to land.

👐 Do:

Offer to help brainstorm social ideas or solutions
Be a sounding board after a tough day
Celebrate their social wins, no matter how small

🚫 Don’t:

Pressure them to “just go” when they’re not feeling up to it
Dismiss their feelings with “everyone feels that way sometimes”
Compare their experience to others (or to your own teen years)

💡 Tip: Ask: “How can I support you socially right now—would you like ideas, help making a plan or just someone to listen?”

Conclusion: Connection Is Still Possible and Powerful

Your child may not socialise like everyone else - and that’s okay. With the right strategies, a little creativity and your steady support, they can build a meaningful, balanced social life that fits their body and honours their needs.

Because no one deserves to feel left out - especially not someone who’s already doing the hard work of living with chronic pain.